It feels so weird to still be writing after the month I’ve had. There were many times this month when I’ve wondered if and when I would continue writing or doing anything for that matter. In short, my physical, mental, and emotional health has tanked. I’ve been forced to withdraw from university in my senior year due to the many barriers I was encountering and an extreme lack of support from the system entrusted to help me. I’ve been dealing with crippling anxiety, and my body is ravaged with pain.
All of this has resulted in me moving back home with my mother and significant other; I spent the last two weeks in and out of doctors and hospitals trying to untangle the mess that has become of my health. I was battling infections and the ill effects of the multiple medications I was put on to get better. It was an out-of-control nightmare.
One of the first things I did when I started feeling better was finally pack all of my belongings and move back into my home; I unpacked, put everything away, and had several hour-long binge cleaning sessions. I’ve always found that taking control of my physical space and keeping it a certain way helps me feel better, lighter, more in control — feelings you seldom get when living with chronic illness.
Control health first, school later
I had to take a lot of time for myself these last few weeks — not only to get well but to really unpack everything I was feeling about all the changes happening around me. It is a work in process, I feel like I’m barely out of the gate. There are many uncertainties in life right now — I thought I would need an emergency surgery but it turns out that I’m too sick for that right now. So, to get that under control, I need to start an intensive physical and occupational therapy program next week. I thought that I would go back to school in the spring, but as of now I can barely walk.
One thing I do have for certain right now is a supportive partner and family, my writing, and the great understanding of the editors and teams that I’ve been so lucky to have found and work with here at BioNews. And all of you, who take the time to read my column and connect with me. This last month, life has tested me on every level, I really thought that it had won — that life had beaten me. But I realize instead that what I need to do is share my experience as it all unfolds — every uncertainty, pitfall, and bump along the way.
Life is not perfect. You are not alone in your experience. I hope this piece gives you some kind of strength and that those to come do so, too. These posts in the coming months will be different, I think, but as they say, change is good. Thank you all for being here for me.
Note: Cerebral Palsy News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cerebral Palsy News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cerebral palsy.